How is it that the day can seem so good and so hopeful and then spin out and crash so damn fast? It's barely 10:30 and it's as bleak as the night can get.
I should just keep my mouth shut. I don't know why I keep doing these stupid things. I should just *do* what I need to and stop feeling so sorry for myself. I can do it, I know I can. And if I can't it's better if I just don't because asking others just makes them upset.
I always manage to lie to myself just enough to forget exactly how tenuous my life is right now, how much I depend on the good will of others to get me though. I have no bargaining position, I have to built up good will out there, I have nothing to offer. Except maybe that I can make myself as little a burdon as possible.
I just need to be grateful for what I have and remember not to burden those around me with my petty weaknesses. Instead of asking those around me to do that which I am to lazy to do, I should just do it myself because reminding those around me just how little I have have to contribute is a really stupid move.
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